Terri Morro Heals Her Heart–A Coaching Testimonial!

My life is good!

I was just rereading my blogs to remember where I have been and realized I fell like I need to pull the plug and let my energy and creativity flow.  Interesting, it feels like I am wanting to habitually go back into my old space, but it does not exist anymore.  It’s nothing bad or evil, just a sense of wanting to react to life like I use to, but the old pattern and programing is no longer there.

Well, thank God!

There is so much going on that sometimes I don’t even realize it, but when I do–there it is.  The difference now is that I have the opportunity to question thoughts, motives, and self criticisms with out fear.  WITHOUT FEAR! Do you have any idea how big that is?

I think back to where I have been, complete insanity (and I do not say that disrespectfully), and where I am now, a life that has a foundation of God’s love and joy (and I do say that respectfully).

I have lived most of my life based on the feeling of self loathing, fear, anger, and hatred.

My life had hard edges and judgments and isolation.  It was filled with distrust with a little paranoia thrown in.  Still, somewhere I knew there was something better; something more loving.  This sounds harsh, but the reality of it is that it was a world of choices based on misinformation and pain, denial and love.

My existence was true insanity.

Without realizing the harm I was doing I made choices for my life based on my own anger and hatred of my grandmother.  The pain of this relationship was so intense I used whatever method I could find to act out these feelings and unfortunately I turned them inward and it became a life of self destruction working around what ever morality I had salvaged from my much buried love of God.  There were some good things like my daughter, who I loved very much, and some good friends and my love for the earth.

Twenty some years ago…

I found Al Anon and it truly saved my life and I worked that program the best I could.  However, I was never really ready to let go the fear and totally surrender.  There was always an element of distrust for me that I could never really break through.

Through a series of synchronicity I met a life coach.

Our introduction was at an Artist Way group and after about the first month I knew in my heart this was someone I could trust with my pain.  She showed me what it meant to be truly authentic and how it was to take responsibility for my life through compassion and an open heart.  I was finally willing to surrender my interpretation of my life story and allow my coach to lead me through.

I chose to address and work through my relationship with my grandmother.

When I was small she was the love of my life and I adored her.  Actually, she was everything to me, but when I grew older life happened and I hated her with all my heart and soul.

In some ways having a life coach and working through this relationship has allowed me to recreate my relationship with my grandmother allowing for us both to be human and for me to have a greater understanding of what it meant to be a teenager and for what it meant for grandmother to be a woman who lost a twenty-four-year-old son (my father) and a husband of many decades who died of cancer.

After all was said and done I developed and relationship with myself that is now full of compassion.

Every week, Leila (CK Reyes) and I dove deeper into where that pain and misunderstanding resided and with the most delicate of reflections, Leila being my mirror.  I began to see the pain as part of my choices and that without guidance and understanding of the human spirit my life had become a series of bad choices and events that built upon each other.

Today my life is changing every moment and has reached a momentum that is exceeding my every expectation.  I am becoming very aware of the planet and feeling the changes that are going on.  The need for a life that will fill me up has overridden the old feeling of needing work only to help me survive and and a measure how much money can I make.  I see my selfishness now and observe what it feels like and how it affects those around me without wanting to run and hide from my own behavior.

Last night I was having a conversation with my daughter about money and work and I was recalling a time when my husband was having an affair and I had decided to find a job.  He was home and I had found a job with the County Clerk and Recorder so I was telling him about the position and he looked and me and said “You, who would hire you?”

Telling this story this time there was no anger, but there was a deep sadness and compassion for myself that somehow I had lost my faith in God.  Through this whole process of coaching I came to know in my heart that I am a child of God and how much joy that gives me. 

The true joy of this process is I have changed at the core level.

Today the insights and ‘Aha’s’ are so frequent that there is really no time to process them as they come.  Integration is instant as more information keeps coming.  My gratitude for my own life is sometimes so overwhelming that I just sit and cry.

Thank you, Leila for showing me that I have everything I need already inside of me and for helping me to heal my broken heart.